The 9 deadly words used by woman

After being married for over 10 years I can say I’ve learn quite a lot about “reading between the lines”. It is “an honor” to share some of the things I’ve learn and hope you too can learn a few things…my lawyer ask me to say this (I don’t have a lawyer):

I’m not responsible for the misuse of this reference material. If you’re trying it on your spouse you’re on your own and don’t email me about advice. If you know my wife don’t tell her I posted this or I WILL DIE!!!

With that being said…get your read on!!!

1. Fine
   This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes
   If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour (90 minutes if she hasn’t picked her shoes). The only time five minutes means five minutes is when you’ve been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing
   This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should brace yourself for a cataclysmic event. Any arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”. ^{(see word #1)}
4. Go Ahead
   This is a dare, not permission. DON’T DO IT!!!
5. Loud Sigh
   This is actually a word…no really!!! But is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. The “loud sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you about nothing. ^{(See word #3 for the meaning of nothing.)}
6. That’s Okay
   This is one of the most dangerous statements any women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks
   A woman is thanking you, do not question it…or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (WARNING: This is only true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ which is just an explosion of sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. That will bring on a ‘whatever’ ^{see word #8}).
8. Whatever
   Is a woman’s way of saying #%@#&!
9. Don’t worry about it, I got it
   Adding to the list of “dangerous statement”…this comes when a woman has told a man to help her many times, but she ends up doing it herself. This will result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ Her response??? see word #3.